Growing up without a father figure in his life, Coloma resident Robert Lawson fell into a deep depression.
From suicidal thoughts to being told he would grow up just like his father, Lawson fought silent battles with himself as he struggled to figure out his life’s purpose.
“For so many years it felt like I was trapped in a basement trying to unlock myself but just couldn’t,” he said. “So many times where I wanted to give up, but I kept my faith. So many times where I did try to give up but it didn’t work.”
Now, after an inspirational-yet-cryptic message from his dying grandmother, Lawson said he found his purpose – and is on a mission to help others overcome their own obstacles.
On Feb. 27, Lawson will release his first book, Trial and Error: Life of Depression on Amazon. In the book, he recounts how he tried to fill the void his father left with things that only made his depression worse, as well as the story of how he got back on track to become the person to his children his father never was.
Inspiration from Grandma
Lawson said he’s always had a gift for helping other people, working in nursing homes and caring for the elderly.
“I knew my gift was helping others, but I didn’t know how I can reach my true calling,” he said. “Until the day my grandma told me – and until the day God led me to what my grandma knew I should do.”
Two weeks before Lawson’s grandmother died on Feb. 27, 2021, she told him he had a higher purpose in life.
“I asked her what it was, but told me she can’t tell me,” Lawson said. “I was confused, and asked her what was the point of telling me. But then, like two weeks later, I started to see the same sign on social media about what I’ve been through, and I just took it as she wanted to tell my story.”
Several months after his grandmother’s death, the Coloma High School graduate earned his bachelor’s degree in Healthcare Administration from the University of Phoenix.
“I kept my promise,” said Lawson, in a Facebook post. “I wish I [could] call your phone, or run in your house to show you just to see that smile and get one of those big hugs. I know you looking down so proud of me!”
When Lawson started writing his book, he wrote with conviction.
“I knew it was going to be telling my story,” Lawson said. “Telling what I’ve been through and how I overcame this to inspire others and let them know they’re not the only one in this world, and that if they’re fatherless or going through anything – any type of trauma in this world – they can get over it with God on their side.”
Being a better father
In the book, Lawson said he goes into detail about his life without a father-figure and how lacking a role model fueled his depression. Ultimately, though, he realized he needed to let go of the resentment he felt.
“I finally realized I had been hindering my own growth,” he said. “I had to stop blaming my father and everyone else and start blaming myself for my own mistakes and actions and go after the life I deserve. … At some point you have to say ‘enough is enough’ and be there for yourself.’ And that’s what I did.”
Lawson and his wife, Danielle, have three young children – Jay’Dion, Josiah and Jaliyah.
“[Having children] opened my eyes because it made me want to be everything my father wasn’t,” Lawson said. “It made me want to teach them things about life, not let them face the same trauma that I’ve been through and to break generational curses. I just want to be there, because that’s all I wanted was for my father to be there. No matter what it took, no matter how hard it was, just be there and set a good example, be a good role model because I never had that. I want them to have someone to be proud of.”
Lawson said the process of writing the book also helped him find closure.
“As I’m writing, I’m letting tears out,” he said. “But it’s not tears of pain and sorrow anymore – it’s tears of gratitude. I finally made it through this and like, if God can get me through this time, then I know he can get me through things that may be even harder. Writing this and getting closer to God was what really helped me. It made me express my feelings in a way that I could never express before.”
What’s next
Lawson said his number one priority career-wise is to get his book off the ground, but he also has a YouTube Channel with his wife called Rob & Danni. Right now, the channel is mostly fun stuff and videos about their life together, but Lawson said he plans to eventually have some more inspirational content on there.
He also wants to focus on the message of his book and instill it in others:
“I just want to help people be the author of their own story,” Lawson said. “I want them to know that pain is temporary, and it’s not the end of the world. Even though it may be raining today or tomorrow, it doesn’t rain forever.”
Both digital and hard copies of the book will be available on Feb. 27. Follow Lawson on Facebook or Instagram for more details.
(Photos courtesy Robert Lawson)
By Ryan Yuenger
ryany@wsjm.com
